Late Night Philosophy

If you're looking for the "Steven King" post, it's one entry down. This post is merely for soul purification. It's 4am and once again, I cannot fall asleep...even after utilizing all of my "konk out kwick" techniques. Lately, if my mind reaches hibernation before 7am, it's a triumph.

I have no idea what's got me all wound up. I'm stressed, but no more so than usual. I don't know what's up but I'm hoping that beating this insomnia is the last stage I must complete to gain re-entry into the realm of people who truly participate in life.

I was laid off last May and my dismissal felt more like release from prison than a lay off. I worked second shift at a steel factory. 2pm-12am M-F, and 10am-8pm Saturday. Enjoying life became a pipe dream. Simply basking in sunlight became a fantasy. Besides my ride to work, I rarely saw the world naturally lit. If I did get an opportunity to venture into the daylight, my surroundings were limited to a caged-in, barbed-wire protected yard full of steel ingots. Here are some nice, "Ansel Adams style" photographs of it. Doesn't really put you into a "nature" mood even though, technically, it's outdoors. Such a depressing atmosphere.

At the end of the day though, work is work. Very few of us will ever LOVE our jobs but I felt like inmate #74823 in that plant. Most of my off time was spent sleeping and recovering from the battering I took throughout the week. It wasn't even the physical aspect of the work, the awkward hours, the intense heat, or even the gloomy vibe wafting through the walls. It was the mental anguish that accompanied all of it. Every time I punched in for work, I wondered if I would be able to leave without having to clean out my locker and turn in my uniforms. The anxiety and insanity would ricochet through my head as I tried to plan for the worst case scenario of losing my job. Sometimes, my entire ride into work would be spent figuring out how I could make ends meet if I did, in fact, get laid off. Budgetary math was the only thing I could lock in on, even with "The Jim Rome Show" blaring tnrough my truck speakers.

It's been about 9 months now and everything is going well. Believe it or not, my finances are actually the best they have been in recent memory and I'm really enjoying being back within an academic atmosphere as opposed to an industrial one. My worst day at school is paradise compared to my best day in the factory.

Now I just need to learn how to fall asleep without having to resort to 3 hours of rituals. Then I will be completely back. Better than ever. The reality of my prison release is finally sinking in and I'm finally adjusting to it. I have almost acclimated back into society and it feels good. Only a few more prison tattoos left to laser off and no one would even know I had done a stint in the mental penitentiary. Damn I hope this Nyquil kicks in soon.